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Post Office seeks rate increase,
cites the rising cost of snails

Agency will expand by hiring tortoises

Saying it has become more expensive to feed the snails, the U.S. Postal Service is seeking a two-cent increase in the first class postage rate, effective next year.

Snails are playing a major role in the Postal Service's drive to automate mail delivery, but the snail union, United Mollusks of America, says its members will withdraw into their shells unless they are given a crawling wage.

Opposition to the proposed new 39-cent rate was voiced by consumer advocate Ralph Nader, who said snails should work for less than humans because they have no housing costs.

"Every other American has to face steep hikes in housing and commuting," Nader said, "but snails are blessed with free shelter and no need to commute."

But Postmaster General John E. Potter noted that the same shells that house snails also enable them to live up to the agency's famous slogan: "Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night will stay our gastropods from their rounds."

Potter also took the occasion to introduce the next stage in the automation program. Turtles will be added to the workforce.

"Critics can no longer say mail is delivered at a snail's pace. Our new turtlemail is going to give email a crawl for its money."
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Check out our previous article:

'Da Vinci Code' author seeks
to participate in Papal election

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