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The decision has been made
to pull the plug on cable news and talk networks now that they no longer
have Terri Schiavo to shout about.
"The networks have entered a vegetative state, with nothing left to say,"
said Dr. John C. Robinson, the noted end-of-broadcast-life expert at
Congers University.
Supporters of low-level news-mongering, however, have gathered at the
networks' headquarters to picket for keeping the stations alive, and
Congress is preparing to vote on a bill that would prevent their cathode
ray tubes from being removed.
News mongerers Larry King and Bill O'Reilly, both of whom have been put
out of work, are preparing to enter the ministry in order to become
revivalist preachers.
Their revivalism will center on Terri Schiavo. They intend to preach that
it's not too late to bring her back to life so they can return to the
networks with the ratings they enjoyed by stirring up public emotions
about her.
For the time being, without networks as sounding boards, King and O'Reilly
will preach from tents, continuing in their notorious styles -- King
murdering the English language and O'Reilly killing his guests' chances of
getting a word in edgewise.
The only talk show host still having an on-the-air job is Comedy Central's
Jon Stewart, whose skill in delivering fake news is needed more than ever
now that the King and O'Reilly crowd can no longer fill that function.
__________
Check out our previous article:
Robert Blake
shot after celebrating
court victory at dinner with lawyer
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