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The report from a leading
medical journal that drinking too much water is worse than dehydration has
prompted American industry to introduce a hot new product: empty bottles.
The bottled water industry is rapidly changing to a bottled nothingness
industry. Gator Aid is about to change its name to Camel Aid.
For years, athletes were told to drink plenty of liquids during exercise,
but the study found this killed people rather than saving them. Thus, some
sports drink manufacturers (those that don't start bottling vacuity) will
put health warning labels on their drinks, stating "Caution: This product
is a killer."
The industry hopes the warning will have the same effect that health
warnings initially had on cigarettes -- making the products more
glamorous.
But the government is moving rapidly to prevent over-indulgence,
especially among impressionable young people. It has ordered drinking
fountains removed from schools and public places, and restaurants will be
required to see proof-of-age when patrons ask for water.
Police are setting up road stops to check for overly-hydrated motorists.
Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) faces new fundraising competition
from a group called Fathers Against Terrifying Hydration Excesses Among
Drivers (FATHEAD).
Finally, the liquor industry plans a new ad campaign noting that alcohol
has the beneficial ability to dehydrate you. Thus the slogan will be,
"When it's one for the road, make sure it's Irish coffee."
__________
Check out our previous article:
Other
congressmen blast DeLay
for not having a girlfriend to hire
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