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Is nothing sacred? Investing
in AT&T stock has traditionally been considered a safe way to protect
nesteggs with minimum risk. But when news broke Monday about SBC, better
known as SpongeBob Corporation, wiping up Ma Bell, the value of the grand
dame's stock dropped by more than 2-1/2%.
Suddenly the golden years became less secure for widows, and a college
education less certain for orphans.
At the same time, greedy investors in SpongeBob enjoyed an instant boost
in the value of their stock. Many of them rushed out to buy gas-guzzling
HumVees with their newfound wealth.
President Bush is expected to mention the crisis in his State of the Union
address Wednesday night, saying that his plan to privatize part of Social
Security has strict controls against putting any of the private funds into
SpongeBob stock.
The merger announcement said the new corporation will locate its
headquarters under the Pacific Ocean in the town of Bikini Bottom.
"There's something fishy going on in this merger," said New York State
Attorney General Elliot Spitzer, "and I intend to look into it as another
step in my campaign for governor."
The corporation is forming a new board of directors whose members will
include Barney, Winnie the Pooh, Big Bird, the Rugrats, Buster the Bunny,
and other TV cartoon characters. Holding hands with them all as their
charismatic chair-creature will be SpongeBob.
PBS announced plans to televise the first board meeting, but then, as
criticism mounted, withdrew those plans, saying its member stations could
run the episode or not, as they see fit.
"We hope they'll run it," a PBS spokesperson said. "The presence of
SpongeBob makes it very absorbing."
__________
Check out our previous article:
Harvard
president apologizes again,
telling HP's boss it's his fault
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